Caveat - You may start to think badly of me for attacking the homeless as you begin to read this post, but please bear with me to the end...
Okay, let me paint you the picture of the poor little homeless guy I see occasionally on the way home...Aw... :(
At least once every couple of months this guy comes wandering up the train (in his pristine shell suit with his well cropped, if a little messy hair) and spits out exactly the same load of old rubbish, occasionally with slight embellishments, but 98% of the spiel always stays the same (like a call centre script) -
(Imagine, if you will, a slightly gravelly but cheeky cockney voice, with a pleading note).."Good afternoon Ladies and Gents, I'm
very sorry for disturbing you. I don't know if you heard me embarassing myself further up the carriage, but I'm afraid I've been put in a rather awkward postion today. When I turned up at the
Big Issue"...
(a magazine that good homeless people can sell to earn a few bob)..."offices to pick up my copies I discovered that it had closed two hours early"...
(It's always two hours! Why not go there two hours earlier?!!!)..."because of the football"...
(that was this today's minor embellishment, usually someone is sick or there has been an accident)..."This means that I am now facing the very real possibility of having to sleep rough tonight, which I really don't want to have to do if I can help it, so I'm forced into humiliating myself in front of you good people to ask for just any small change you might have so I can get myself into a hostel tonight instead of looking forward to a night on the streets. Once again, I'm very sorry for disturbing you and I wish I didn't have to do this..."
Then follows the awkward silence, during which he tries to avoid my accusatory glare...
oh yes...he knows I know he's bullshitting the good "Ladies and Gents"...inevitably several people hand him coins and notes to "Thank you, I really wish I didn't have to do this to you" or "Thank, you having a good day?"...then he gets off the train (always at London Bridge) with a cheery "Enjoy the rest of your journey", and waits for the next train leaving from platform 6 (no doubt to repeat his little performance all over again)...
Are you still thinking this is all rather unkind of me?
Lets do some maths...say he gets 6 quid per performance (about average from what I have observed), 2 performances per carriage , it takes him no more than 90 seconds to start the performance and collect his payment...there are trains running roughly every 6 minutes and at that time of day they are mostly 8 carriages in length. Assuming it takes about a minute to move from carriage to carriage that works out at about 32 minutes per train, factoring in a possible short wait to swap this still works out at almost 2 complete trains every 60 minutes)...Still with me?
This being the case I calculate that this guy earns somewhere in the region of
£192 (tax free) per hour...!!!!! Keep that up for 7 hours (remember, this isn't exactly hard work!) and that's more than enough money to pay the rent on a nice little flat in the suburbs, with
plenty of money left over for take away and beer!!
No wonder we only see him once every two months...on that kind of money he could spend a fair amount of time staying in the penthouse at the
bloody Ritz!!