Christmas Railway Fun!

Just got a *very* good bit of news - I only have to cover one day between Christmas and New Years (the 31st) *and* I can do that cover snuggled into my duvet with a laptop (instead of trying to get into London)...

The reason that this is *very* good news, instead of just ordinary good news is the fact that between the 25th of December and the 1st of Jan they are basically going to shut down the railway between Brighton and London (major building works at Gatwick airport, working on the wonky signals that fail all the time in town and *totally* ripping out the huge great rickety junction outside Purley station and making a shiny brand new one)...pretty much the only way into London Bridge from the South of England is going to be hopping on a replacement bus (and praying)...

This would be fine (and probably a nice adventure) apart from the fact that Flyingpops (at that stage) is going to be just a handful of weeks from the new baby being due and I *really* don't want to be stuck in London (if "The Call" comes) waiting around for a replacement bus service (not normally terribly new/reliable buses) to shudder into view and then wend it's merry way through central London/East Croydon/Purley and the Purley way (during the sales) finally to deposit me half an hour's walk away from the hospital (goodness only knows how many hours later)...

So that's one less (big) thing to worry about...now able to look forward to my (apart from that one day of cover) twelve days (off) of Christmas! :)

Earlswood bike locking policy

Spotted this when I got to the station this morning, little paper signs attached to 3 or 4 of the push bikes on platform 1 warning the owners that they had been reported to station staff as "dumped"...they certainly didn't look like they were dumped, making me wonder if the owners have left them there while they have gone off on holiday or something?  Or perhaps don't like riding them in the rain (which it has been quite a bit lately)?

Anyway, being fair, I decided to check on the cycle policy and there is no mention of a time limit on storage of bikes - although it does say that if you don't own a folding bike they would advise you to keep one bike locked up at each end of your journey (which would explain why some of these bikes never appear to move - if the owners travel earlier/later in the day than most commuters) - interestingly, the station facilities section for Earlswood station notes that there are no bike storage facilities available (although it also says there is no ticket machine, which is there clearly is)...so perhaps their web site is just horribly out of date...

Wonder what is going to happen to these bikes?  Especially if the bit of paper blows away in an Autumn gust... :s

Poorly Mouth & Southern Trains *SUCK* :(

Had a really pants time of it during the last week-Wednesday last, my normal spicy (free range-home roasted) chicken dinner caused me an unbelievable amount of pain, taking me about fourty minutes to consume (normally fully nommed in about 5), which I thought was odd (taking into account the fact that I am perfectly happy *drinking* raw tabasco sauce under normal circumstances), but just shrugged it off, however, over the next few days my tonsils, tongue and lips gradually became more and more painful and swollen...

Sunday, I spent a couple of hours cooking a lovely roast, and for all the amount of it I actually managed to taste, I may as well have just gone up to the bathroom and stuffed a load of toilet paper into my mouth and eaten that... :(

Anyway, here we are a week later and I'm still no better, I can just about manage to sip a tiny bit of a cold cup of tea, or cold water and I can just about cope with an extremely floppy plain white bread sandwich (even the thought of the pain a tiny spot of branston pickle would cause sends me reeling) or some cold noodles...so, today, thinking enough was certainly enough, I went to the doctors and got diagnosed with an oral fungal bacterial infection...nice...and given a prescription, apparently the bugs that cause it live in the mouth of all humans all the time anyway (before you get any ideas) and only occasionally manage to dominate enough to cause a problem, usually when you are run down or suffering from something else...meh...

So, already made extremely late by doctors appointment (even though I was on the phone half an hour before they opened, and Flyingpops was assured yesterday that there were plenty of appointments earlier, the first momement they could see me was 1030hrs), got to the station to see an announcement that all trains in and out of London Bridge and London Victoria (pretty much my only options) were subject to delay, alteration or cancellation (face+palm)...

Sat waiting for ten minutes then got kicked out into the freezing cold when the Station Mistress finished her shift and had to lock the waiting room, sat for a further half an hour with stinging lips and shivering body until a train finally arrived (supposed to be for London Bridge but now bound for London Victoria)...it got cancelled at East Croydon, waited ten minutes and got on another train bound for London Bridge, it got cancelled at Norwood Junction...sat for a minute panicking, then noticed that the Overground trains (although they stop at about 20 stations on the way) go to Canada Water, hopped on that (and waited and waited and waited), then got to Canada Water, hopped on the Jubilee line, got to Canary Wharf, went to all three chemists with my prescription and *none* of them had the medicine I so desperately needed...best offer, the Boots near Waitrose said "it should be in stock by tomorrow", so I left the prescription there...

Just checked train running back home...everything is delayed by at least an hour, the 8 and 12 carriage trains that always end up full and standing before they leave London, mostly now *TWO* carriages...there is going to be a riot...wish me luck getting home...

What a f******g day... >:(

Network Rail - On time percentages

I guess it's time to have another moan about commuting by railway, not that there is any chance of replacing it with an alternative (for me), frankly there is no way on earth I could get hold of another mode of transport (I'm talking buying/insuring/taxing/maintaining/parking and fuelling) that would get me (even if as erractically) in and out of Canary Wharf (from deepest darkest Surrey) for two grand a year...just to put you in the picture - simply to park around here (not even in the Wharf, but a short hop away) costs between £1300-1900 a year (and may involve paying for the DLR on top)...so I understand the price I pay for my travel is (grrr through gritted teeth) "reasonable" in comparison to the alternatives...

However, what I do find deeply insulting, is the way network rail (year after year) churn out their figures stating the number of trains that have run on time and it bears *absolutely* no relation to any of my commuter experiences. This years proudly announced figure for December trains was that (on average) 81% ran on time (a number that made me laugh out loud, spitting tea all over my keyboard when I read it - considering the number of days that both Earlswood and Oxted stations were completely *closed*), but if we start to burrow down, it's actually very easy to see how they have reached this conclusion - "on time" is defined as "anything under five minutes late" (which, apart from -one day- in the last two months is *every train I take* - that would make their "on time" total for me to less than 0.01% if it were actually accurate - actually catching my connecting services *relies* upon them being delayed too - day after day, night after night), it also, and most insultingly (considering no-one could care any less about them)
takes into account *every single train*, yep, all those trundling stopping services that pootle along early in the morning, all day long and late into the evening - *completely empty*...well, I say completely empty - the laughing college kids on their way home after morning lectures, the old dears on their way for a bit of shopping in Sutton, the chattering tourists - not a great deal of these people are going to care (hugely) if their train is even ten minutes late to their destination (assuming they notice in the first place), but obviously these trains rarely are late, as not many people have to pack onto them nor struggle to get off them again...

The figure which should be reported is the only one anyone actually cares about - What percentage of peak time commuter services arrived on time? We don't want the "there, there - patted on the head" number that's been gently massaged into feeling better about itself - "oh, don't worry too much about the important trains (which are always delayed) that everyone relies upon, let's just make it "all better now" by adding in all the empty ones, there look - that's much better"...!

It's a great example of "Lies, damned lies and statistics"... ಠ_ಠ

Surrey Snow...

...just a quick update, I never made it home from London, thanks to *four* broken down trains on the Brighton line my only choice was to head to Oxted (to my folks) where I am still stranded...we've got (no joke) about two feet of snow outside the house, all Southern trains are suspended and even the satellite service here has packed up (so no TV), I'm just about to head back down to the station now to see if there is any news, but this is *proper* winter and we are properly snowed in! Brrr!

Wish me luck!

Southern Trains - Another Great Week

...well, two weeks actually...Every *single* day for the last two weeks the train in the morning has been delayed, by now you would have thought they might have decided to set off a little bit earlier, or change the name of the train to the 07:18 instead of the 07:12 (or something)...of course, as soon as we get out of pattern the delays compound and by the time we get into London Bridge we are (on average) fifteen or twenty minutes late arriving...last Thursday things got even better, as I stood (already running late) on platform one, awaiting my Lewisham service and watched in disbelief as not one, but two Lewisham trains popped up onto the boards, only to vanish - without a single announcement - without a train actually arriving at the station, and then just to put the cherry on the top, when I got to the DLR there was a broken down train blocking one of the platforms and about 200 people impatiently waiting...that night there were 51 minute delays out of London Bridge in the direction of home...

Winter (you know, a bit of wind and rain, or a bit of ice) *shouldn't* be coming as a surprise, it happens each and every year...although neither is it a surprise (unfortunately) that we inevitably hit the annual descent into dismal service by the hopelessly under-prepared idiots who (I stifle my manic laughter as I say) "run" the railways...

Still, at least it gives me a chance to wander around with the camera... >;P

This really cheered me up...

...when I saw it (on my commute)... ;)

I especially like the way the outline has been slightly imperfectly drawn so the little chap appears to have a little bit of hair... ツ

On a related note - Do you like my new smiley? I nicked it from Asia...(just hope it doesn't translate as "anus" or anything)... ツ

Update - it's okay, it's just a syllable pronounced "Tsu"...

Update update - this are too cool to keep to myself...

ಠ_ಠ - disapproval (you see this one on Reddit quite a bit)

ʘ‿ʘ - innocence

...loads more over here...scroll down to East Asia...

Commuting in a Heatwave

I do hate commuting in this heat but beyond the absolutely obvious (i.e. carrying a bottle of water), there are a few things that I have discovered to maximise comfort (although admittedly it's never going to be a pleasure)...first off (and I haven't got to this stage yet) commute in shorts, packing your smart trousers to change into later...on Southern trains (probably applies to other train operators too), if you happen to walk into a carriage and the air conditioning is off, don't just sit down, cursing the conductor for his (or her) inattentiveness - try moving carriages - chances are you have just been unlucky and stumbled on one where the system is broken, yesterday this happened to me but when I checked, the aircon was working fine in the carriage next door, my solution (so I still got a seat) was to prop my trusty rucksack in the gap keeping the cool breeze flowing...next, pick up a Metro as early as possible in the journey (London Bridge for me), once you have read it, it doubles up as an excellent fan... ;)

Jubilee line specific hack here, but it may well work on other lines - when queuing for a door, make sure you go for either the front or back of the carriage (never the middle two doors), as the train windows generate a terrific breeze (from the front during acceleration, from the back during braking), either is good (front is slightly better though, as the train usually spends more time accelerating than slowing down)...if you absolutely can't get into either of these positions, take the middle doors but stay as close to them as you can, a gentler (but still welcome) breeze blows through here all the time through the gaps at the side while the train is moving (and of course when the train stops you can poke your head out to gulp a few fresh breaths of fresh air)...however the ultimate Jubilee line hack (which I saved for last) is (of course) not to even use it at all...the Thames Clippers' new Canary Wharf Express from London Bridge takes about the same amount of time as the tube and yesterday I sat outside (by the engines) getting deliciously sprayed with cool water the whole way...

I actually arrived in the office with a smile on my face... ;)

Priority seat card - Southern Trains

Well well well...Southern trains seem to have actually done something rather insightful and potentially very useful, both for Flyingpops and me (as she is pregnant and I very occasionally require the use of crutches to get around) by introducing a scheme where those genuinely in need of a seat can apply for a priority seat card...yesterday I spotted that this sign has appeared-

- at eye-level on seat backs facing all the priority seats on my normal train home (rendering it literally unmissable if you happen to be sitting in one)...Previously the priority seats were marked out only by a small grey sticker only immediately obvious if one were to be (a) standing up, and (b) happened to notice it against the similarly coloured train wall...the idea is, if you are genuinely in need of a seat you can then prove it by just showing your card to whoever is sat in one (and similarly they can flash their card right back if they too have a genuine reason to be sat there)...this will be particularly useful to pregnant women in the early stages, as I'm now painfully aware - some women (Flyingpops included) while they don't *look* pregnant (or even necessarily needy), can suffer horribly with morning sickness, dizziness and tummy pains, this card, if fellow commuters honour it, could be a God send for the shy as it's rather difficult to hide behind your Metro and headphones if someone is holding a card in front of you and you deliberately sat down *knowing* you could be asked to move...

Let's hope the trial is a success...