Entry level tent solar power

Ok, so at it's most basic level, off-grid power requires the following things - a solar cell (nearly said solar sail there - not so practical) - with MC4 connectors - they are standard solar connectors that allow you to easily retrofit extra panels in serial if required and are fully waterproof - it's exactly the same system as they wire into your loft.  My particular solar panel is rated to 100 watts and 12 volts and is designed to be waterproof and flexible (for mounting anywhere, even in inclement conditions)...

You might find you need an MC4 extension cable depending on how far apart you are putting your solar panel and your battery, ideally it must be in direct sunlight for the maximum amount of available daylight and the battery should be somewhere cool and dry.

At this point the simplest and cheapest thing to do is buy something like this - 

- it's got a small battery pack built in (26,400mAh), plus an inverter to use DC via a standard Type G British 3 pin plug and also has an adaptor for 9v cigarette lighter and a number of variously rated USB ports.  Now I stressed entry level here - I tested this power pack vs the High Gear 28L cool box - it lasted almost exactly one hour before the battery was flat.  So I'm not expecting any miracles here - equipped as I am - Infinite power to charge telephones and laptops is priority 1 - we will see how far that can be extended as we move forwards - if we can even hit objective 1 on this next camp then I am very happy.

Down the line some small changes I need to make to the setup are immediately obvious - I'm thinking a waterproof box with a 100Ah deep cycle LiFePO4 battery (basically a caravan leisure battery) and a proper inverter/solar manager (that shows charge speed etc.) rather than this jack-of-all-trades charger that I know can't really cope with 230-240v for very long - the fridge probably isn't going to be a thing off grid - but the rice cooker and a nice fan are both possibilities - the minimum viable product at this point is simply to be able to keep my telephone and laptops charged with no mains power - let's not try and walk before we can run.

Edit - Camping off-grid with the 'fridge might be possible after all - if my calculations are correct - even without solar top up I should get 24 hours of refrigeration from a single, fully charged 12v 100Ah battery.

Planning my next camp...

 

So the first therapeutic camping trip went great, so much so, in fact that I stayed an extra night when it became clear the campsite was new and wasn't going to fill up (despite being the last bank holiday of the summer break)...it was both relaxing and liberating... 

Now school holidays are over I can start to have a look and see what the *normal* costs of camping are going to be like around here and what sort of facilities are to be had now the kids and parents are back on the school run...

I'm going to play it really safe again this time - within about 30 minutes from rescue - electricity from the pitch (that sort of thing) - and it would have been nice to have some sort of shop (just in case I had kicked over the vegetable oil or something silly like that)...I'm sure it will all be fine again.

I can see this working it's way towards more off grid, tarps and hammocks, fire pits etc. I want to learn how to make yakitori (for example) and I want to get some sort of solar solution going before I get completely off grid...but softly softly catchy monkey...

Some images from my first solo camp

 

Therapeutic Camping (for one)

So between my psychiatrist and that part of my mind that deals with all things external facing and apparently self-conscious, we settled upon a interesting and slightly unexpected treatment plan that - 

a) gets me out of the house
b) is fun and gives me something to aim at 
c) takes good organisation and management
d) makes me take on at least some of my nastier symptoms like agoraphobia and photophobia 

e) might involve speaking to people but a hiding place is provided
f) doesn't feel like a step too far
g) is inexpensive

So this is the first draft of the list of camping stuff - 

Got - to pack

• Tent (4 man blackout tent - for obvious reasons - it even has a blackout vestibule which is unusual)
• Suitcase Cooker
• Butane can x 2
• Electric Cooler
• Portable rice cooker
• Electric Hookup
• Cooking set (2 x pans, 1 x kettle, 2 x bowls)
• Camp Bed
• Folding Chair
• Outdoor giant bean bag
• Sleeping bag
• Duvet (check forecast)
• Pillows (check forecast)
• Spork x 2
• Plastic Bowl x 2
• A book (currently a UFO book)
• Chargers
• Can opener
• Washing up fluid and cloth/sponge
• Warm hoodie/Jumper
• Novelty Hat
• Bin bags x 2
• Toilet roll x 3

Tech

• Headlamps x 2
• Mini fan
• Power Inverter / big battery pack
• Mobile Telephone
• Chromebook/HP Envy

Comsumables

• Small veg oil
• Small butter
• Fresh water
• Tea (Earl Grey)
• Skimmed milk
• Rice (pre-mixed with cardamon pods, nigella seeds, cinnamon bark and a spot of seasoning)
• Beers
• Beans
• Cans of good quality chicken curry/chilli beef (one of each)
• Jalapenos, sliced in brine 
• Noodles (Indomie Mi Goreng)
• White loaf (sliced) 
• Grated Cheddar cheese
• Bacon, smoked
• Eggs, free range
• Chilli sauce (either Baron's, Frank's or Nando's depending on my mood)
• BBQ/Ketchup
• Snacks (Crisps, Biltong)
• Branston pickle

It was fine, I definitely should have taken a couple of pillows - the giant bean bag was waaaay too big for the inflatable mattress and was just a bit too thin (I could feel the ground through it even when freshly inflated) - so next time I'm taking a proper camp cot and chair...

It was nice to only really have to please myself - for example one morning I had hot chicken curry for my breakfast.  It didn't hurt anybody and it made me happy - I think these little things are what is going to end up making a difference - if I can establish a bank of small "happiness" events where nothing bad happened, I didn't get voted down or ignored, and maybe I can up the chances of not immediately feeling guilty or stupid...

Autism Diagnosis - Masking for 53 years

 So here are a couple of difficult to deal with (and mask over worthy) little attempts - during this life thus far - 

• Highly limited connection with any humans other than a very small handful of people who exhibited no signs of judgement (and low risk of violent, thoughtless, noisy outbursts) - goths, punks, NMA brotherhood, the odd person from Plymouth.
• Filtering out deliberately stupid people - Oh I don't need to know about that...I feel like, I feel like a vast potential and willingness for understanding and enlightenment has just been glibly tossed in a ditch along with the contents of a nappy bag belonging to the rear end of your dangerous dog.  People who have no interest in learning are totally beyond all understanding. 
• Bullying - all the way through - I'm a big guy so people don't expect this - but it's a combination of innocent trust and meeting people who don't even have anything tangible to gain - but just feel a whole lot better when they are making somebody else's life into a tale of misery - there are many of these people.
• Trying to juggle forced social situations - boardroom presentations to 50-150 people - huge responsibility -  seeing others when already out of gas to deal with people.
• Not having enough money - having my bus pass, train ticket, bank card confiscated by "family" repeatedly - not for any logical reason - just to make my life more difficult  - this is the first time I have had any control over any of my money for almost twenty years - it's a difficult thing not scraping around the floor for pennies every day just to find my train fare to the office - I still expect to find my belongings scattered and lost when I go to go out and about...I had to work so hard to fit in, that was made impossible
• Asking for time off to attend a scan when Thomas was on the way.  I'll never forget this - first son - "I'm just asking - but what's the point in going to the scan?  It's early days, the baby will probably die before you get there - what's the point in putting it in our calendar?" - what is the point in even telling you?  Under what circumstances would I like to hear my children are going to die?

Alienation - Autism diagnosis after 50

What is it, and where does it come from?  

From my perspective - 

• A profound sense of innocence and innate level of trust (often misplaced) - hesitant around new people, noisy places - hey, look how shy this guy is!
• An overwhelming sense of a need to help out (asked for or not) - this can really help or really fail depending on how welcome the offer of help is - it's impossible for me to know before asking
• Lack of a contextual filter - odd comments, behaviour (Will, Geography field trip)
• Eidetic memory and great enthusiasm for extremely narrow/fringe areas of interest - the number of people I must have bored to tears waxing lyrical about trilinear mip-map filtered interpolation...
• Using my intellect to solve perceived issues but sometimes in nasty, unwanted ways
• Miscommunication - I often approach new people with caution, but this can be read as being deliberately distant and awkward...

It's a double edged sword - from society's perspective - 

• He doesn't pay attention
• He's more interested in his own agenda and/or lazy
• He doesn't appreciate the gravity of the situation
• He is aloof
• Why can't he turn some of this energy into something positive?
• Such a nice guy, but just can't follow instructions or stay on mission
• Such a nice guy, so how is he always upsetting one person or another in the office?

But what has led me here?  Last thing I knew I was managing to just about masquerade as a functioning member of society (being a recurring theme in this story).  Typically - one or a number of these scenarios can manifest - 

• My brain is very noisy - sometimes I cannot talk to you - I'm busy just processing - I'm sorry, I'm not sure what your brain thinks is so important - trust me - it isn't - but I bet i'm coming across as being super rude to your special friends and family right now
• Social cues and relationships are very difficult to correctly read and respond to - responding can take days/weeks of thought/contemplation - writing and rewriting until I think I understand
• Some normal people are extremely hard work - just being around them - sometimes even knowing *of* someone that is potentially exhausting is quite enough.  Most of the time people aren't looking at the six inches in front of their noses and are bound up in an in inescapable resignation of self to the miserable present - I cannot exist around you - even the tiniest flea should be able to summon more satisfaction from existence just by "being" - if you cannot - and you think you found your nice place in society then you are wrong
• Strange places can hold solace - even if they do not exist - my happy place is in the world of Harry Potter created by J K Rowling.  It could have been written for me - I also find solace in the quiet corners of the earth - the ones I find by myself...the corner seat on the train, the spot on the platform where the door always opens - an illusion of control over the seemingly untameable
• Sales people and Autistic people are thrown together by maths problems that involve finance.  These two groups of people are incompatible - sales people are paid to be enthusiastic, noisy, use alcohol and various groups of stimulants to meet objectives - only really care about the bottom line - deliberately shallow - switch off the second they have what they want - 
• There is always a sword of Damocles - eyes are always on - you can make small gains, but the crushing blow has always been waiting - and it can fall at any time - Doom is literally hanging there
• It doesn't matter how long, or how successfully you have managed to mask yourself from the muggles - they are always present - and always ready to ridicule you - even when the illusion of holding control seems plausible 
• Amazingly - There are other people like me.  Unfortunately - these other people are like me - unlikely to socialise, nervous around others - I found a bunch when I was young, but a typical ASD guy is not rushing out there trying to bond with new friends...unless there is some acceptable social crutch in place that helps with crippling social anxiety brought on by ASD (there is, but it brings it's own problems). 
• At the end of the day - it's just normal life for every single person you know to either lose interest in you or betray you to a greater or lesser degree - every single job will - at best - politely put up with you, as soon as some sort of error crops up then we are sacking you - this is the reality of the situation - better get used to it.  It doesn't stop the hurt and confusion but it does go some way to helping to understand the decisions that found me at their centre.

I'll move on to what it's like to be diagnosed next...although that is still really hard to grasp emotionally.