...it's got some very stupid usability issues where it's not immediately obvious why I need to make a series of "pages" before I can compile a single, edited video...but I kind of figured it out, it's not a deliberate act of obfuscation - I guess I make some longer form videos (which is going to be annoying, as they don't get many views compared to YouTube shorts) and learn about transitions, intro cards and exit cards, thumbnails (and all other things YouTube)...
Anyway - another feather in my cap...I'm happy to make long form video content now - even if it is a bit clunky. Just need to clear up some room on my 'phone to actually record some things now...
Ok, so at it's most basic level, off-grid power requires the following things - a solar cell (nearly said solar sail there - not so practical) - with MC4 connectors - they are standard solar connectors that allow you to easily retrofit extra panels in serial if required and are fully waterproof - it's exactly the same system as they wire into your loft. My particular solar panel is rated to 100 watts and 12 volts and is designed to be waterproof and flexible (for mounting anywhere, even in inclement conditions)...
You might find you need an MC4 extension cable depending on how far apart you are putting your solar panel and your battery, ideally it must be in direct sunlight for the maximum amount of available daylight and the battery should be somewhere cool and dry.
At this point the simplest and cheapest thing to do is buy something like this -
- it's got a small battery pack built in (26,400mAh), plus an inverter to use DC via a standard Type G British 3 pin plug and also has an adaptor for 9v cigarette lighter and a number of variously rated USB ports. Now I stressed entry level here - I tested this power pack vs the High Gear 28L cool box - it lasted almost exactly one hour before the battery was flat. So I'm not expecting any miracles here - equipped as I am - Infinite power to charge telephones and laptops is priority 1 - we will see how far that can be extended as we move forwards - if we can even hit objective 1 on this next camp then I am very happy.
Down the line some small changes I need to make to the setup are immediately obvious - I'm thinking a waterproof box with a 100Ah deep cycle LiFePO4 battery (basically a caravan leisure battery) and a proper inverter/solar manager (that shows charge speed etc.) rather than this jack-of-all-trades charger that I know can't really cope with 230-240v for very long - the fridge probably isn't going to be a thing off grid - but the rice cooker and a nice fan are both possibilities - the minimum viable product at this point is simply to be able to keep my telephone and laptops charged with no mains power - let's not try and walk before we can run.
Edit - Camping off-grid with the 'fridge might be possible after all - if my calculations are correct - even without solar top up I should get 24 hours of refrigeration from a single, fully charged 12v 100Ah battery.
So between my psychiatrist and that part of my mind that deals with all things external facing and apparently self-conscious, we settled upon a interesting and slightly unexpected treatment plan that -
a) gets me out of the house b) is fun and gives me something to aim at c) takes good organisation and management d) makes me take on at least some of my nastier symptoms like agoraphobia and photophobia
e) might involve speaking to people but a hiding place is provided f) doesn't feel like a step too far g) is inexpensive
So this is the first draft of the list of camping stuff -
Got - to pack
Tent (4 man blackout tent - for obvious reasons - it even has a blackout vestibule which is unusual)
Suitcase Cooker
Butane can x 2
Electric Cooler
Portable rice cooker
Electric Hookup
Cooking set (2 x pans, 1 x kettle, 2 x bowls)
Camp Bed
Folding Chair
Outdoor giant bean bag
Sleeping bag
Duvet (check forecast)
Pillows (check forecast)
Spork x 2
Plastic Bowl x 2
A book (currently a UFO book)
Chargers
Can opener
Washing up fluid and cloth/sponge
Warm hoodie/Jumper
Novelty Hat
Bin bags x 2
Toilet roll x 3
Tech
Headlamps x 2
Mini fan
Power Inverter / big battery pack
Mobile Telephone
Chromebook/HP Envy
Comsumables
Small veg oil
Small butter
Fresh water
Tea (Earl Grey)
Skimmed milk
Rice (pre-mixed with cardamon pods, nigella seeds, cinnamon bark and a spot of seasoning)
Beers
Beans
Cans of good quality chicken curry/chilli beef (one of each)
Jalapenos, sliced in brine
Noodles (Indomie Mi Goreng)
White loaf (sliced)
Grated Cheddar cheese
Bacon, smoked
Eggs, free range
Chilli sauce (either Baron's, Frank's or Nando's depending on my mood)
BBQ/Ketchup
Snacks (Crisps, Biltong)
Branston pickle
It was fine, I definitely should have taken a couple of pillows - the giant bean bag was waaaay too big for the inflatable mattress and was just a bit too thin (I could feel the ground through it even when freshly inflated) - so next time I'm taking a proper camp cot and chair...
It was nice to only really have to please myself - for example one morning I had hot chicken curry for my breakfast. It didn't hurt anybody and it made me happy - I think these little things are what is going to end up making a difference - if I can establish a bank of small "happiness" events where nothing bad happened, I didn't get voted down or ignored, and maybe I can up the chances of not immediately feeling guilty or stupid...
A profound sense of innocence and innate level of trust (often misplaced) - hesitant around new people, noisy places - hey, look how shy this guy is!
An overwhelming sense of a need to help out (asked for or not) - this can really help or really fail depending on how welcome the offer of help is - it's impossible for me to know before asking
Lack of a contextual filter - odd comments, behaviour (Will, Geography field trip)
Eidetic memory and great enthusiasm for extremely narrow/fringe areas of interest - the number of people I must have bored to tears waxing lyrical about trilinear mip-map filtered interpolation...
Using my intellect to solve perceived issues but sometimes in nasty, unwanted ways
Miscommunication - I often approach new people with caution, but this can be read as being deliberately distant and awkward...
It's a double edged sword - from society's perspective -
He doesn't pay attention
He's more interested in his own agenda and/or lazy
He doesn't appreciate the gravity of the situation
He is aloof
Why can't he turn some of this energy into something positive?
Such a nice guy, but just can't follow instructions or stay on mission
Such a nice guy, so how is he always upsetting one person or another in the office?
But what has led me here? Last thing I knew I was managing to just about masquerade as a functioning member of society (being a recurring theme in this story). Typically - one or a number of these scenarios can manifest -
My brain is very noisy - sometimes I cannot talk to you - I'm busy just processing - I'm sorry, I'm not sure what your brain thinks is so important - trust me - it isn't - but I bet i'm coming across as being super rude to your special friends and family right now
Social cues and relationships are very difficult to correctly read and respond to - responding can take days/weeks of thought/contemplation - writing and rewriting until I think I understand
Some normal people are extremely hard work - just being around them - sometimes even knowing *of* someone that is potentially exhausting is quite enough. Most of the time people aren't looking at the six inches in front of their noses and are bound up in an in inescapable resignation of self to the miserable present - I cannot exist around you - even the tiniest flea should be able to summon more satisfaction from existence just by "being" - if you cannot - and you think you found your nice place in society then you are wrong
Strange places can hold solace - even if they do not exist - my happy place is in the world of Harry Potter created by J K Rowling. It could have been written for me - I also find solace in the quiet corners of the earth - the ones I find by myself...the corner seat on the train, the spot on the platform where the door always opens - an illusion of control over the seemingly untameable
Sales people and Autistic people are thrown together by maths problems that involve finance. These two groups of people are incompatible - sales people are paid to be enthusiastic, noisy, use alcohol and various groups of stimulants to meet objectives - only really care about the bottom line - deliberately shallow - switch off the second they have what they want -
There is always a sword of Damocles - eyes are always on - you can make small gains, but the crushing blow has always been waiting - and it can fall at any time - Doom is literally hanging there
It doesn't matter how long, or how successfully you have managed to mask yourself from the muggles - they are always present - and always ready to ridicule you - even when the illusion of holding control seems plausible
Amazingly - There are other people like me. Unfortunately - these other people are like me - unlikely to socialise, nervous around others - I found a bunch when I was young, but a typical ASD guy is not rushing out there trying to bond with new friends...unless there is some acceptable social crutch in place that helps with crippling social anxiety brought on by ASD (there is, but it brings it's own problems).
At the end of the day - it's just normal life for every single person you know to either lose interest in you or betray you to a greater or lesser degree - every single job will - at best - politely put up with you, as soon as some sort of error crops up then we are sacking you - this is the reality of the situation - better get used to it. It doesn't stop the hurt and confusion but it does go some way to helping to understand the decisions that found me at their centre.
I'll move on to what it's like to be diagnosed next...although that is still really hard to grasp emotionally.
