I seem to have...

...gone back in time to the early '80s...so this is where all the trains from my childhood have gone!  Any and all complaints about comfort and décor on modern Southern trains are hereby withdrawn...

A Little Adventure...

So on Sunday, Thomas and I got kicked out of the house by Flyingpops (for simplicity reasons due to extensive cleaning requirements) and decided to pop over to Horsham to see Nanny and Granddad (And "Cat!", And "Dog!", as Thomas pointed out)...

In what should have been a relatively simple exercise - we set off for our exciting adventure, well - just as soon as we had finished watching the F1, anyway - (Thomas practically running out to the pram, ten minutes too early, when he was offered the prospect of seeing a train - reacting like we had just had to explain to him that Santa Claus didn't really exist and he was going to have to sleep in the shed from now on when we asked him to come back inside for just "one minute", requiring we both wrestle him back into the house, fending off flying limbs and Toddler language that would have been unprintable, even had it been comprehensible)...

It all went a bit downhill from there...

First, we discovered that the next available train to Horsham from the train station that we could easily walk to (naturally) was at 6am the following day, so we shrugged and pushed our way to the hospital to try and catch a bus (which was 22 minutes late, and almost completely full by the time it finally wobbled around the roundabout)...then we learned that the fare had gone up by 10 pence so we didn't have the correct change (which was greeted with very little enthusiasm by the designated driver), despite this, Thomas clutched my ticket (apparently for dear life) as I desperately tried to stop his pram falling over while we screeched around the corners nervously singing "The Wheels on the Bus", during which Thomas continuously frowned with ill concealed concern at the peculiar and precarious position in which I had apparently decided to place him (which admittedly bore very little resemblance to the words coming out of my mouth)...

More by luck than anything else, we arrived, slightly ruffled, in Redhill and spent 10 minutes standing behind an elderly gentleman who clearly didn't know how to use the ticket machine (but was trying very hard anyway) he finally gave up, after several rejected offers of help, and walked straight through the open barriers without one (which he could have just done in the first place) we followed suit (with our long-awaited ticket) and then realised that it was going to be impossible to get up to the correct platform from that direction due to the enormous quantity of stairs...so we went back the way we came, crossed back across the road and puffed half way up Redstone Hill to the other entrance, banging noisily on the locked gate to Platform three for five minutes until a sleepy guard appeared to let us in...

We spent a very happy twenty minutes waiting for our first (and as it happened, only) train, Thomas pointing and shrieking as all the trains we didn't want zoomed merrily past, saying "Train, Useful!" - which, in my experience (at least) they often aren't, however Rev. W. Awdry (and his son, Christopher) appear to have already successfully convinced Thomas otherwise...I'll leave Southern Trains to complete his education on the matter when he is older...

At Gatwick Airport the train absolutely filled up with French people, who all appeared to need the toilet (which we, of course, were blocking with the pushchair), but at least that stopped me managing to change Thomas' nappy in the tiny cubical (I was terribly sad not to be able to avail myself of that opportunity, as you can imagine) and then we disembarked at Three Bridges, only requiring the assistance of three foreigners not to tip Thomas down between the train and the platform, as we hopped lightly out...after we had both calmed down (with the help of a box of sultanas), Thomas politely exclaimed "Bye bye train, bye bye peoples", and gave them all a little wave...

Finding, to my very great relief, after peering down a very long flight of rather dark stairs, that Three Bridges many platforms are accessible via elevator (thanks to a kindly guard), we then discovered (to some, not inconsiderable, dismay) that the reason 40 men in high visibility jackets were standing around supervising one person with a laser spirit level (up above us), was that our onward journey to Horsham was not to be by another train, but by a replacement bus service...to this piece of news, Thomas promptly fell fast asleep, my phone battery died and I spent the rest of the 40 minute journey wishing I had brought any book with me other than "My First Animal Words" (which Thomas hadn't even glanced at)...

It probably would have been easier to QWOP into Mordor (I'll let you Google it)...Lunch was delicious though... ;)

Network Rail - On time percentages

I guess it's time to have another moan about commuting by railway, not that there is any chance of replacing it with an alternative (for me), frankly there is no way on earth I could get hold of another mode of transport (I'm talking buying/insuring/taxing/maintaining/parking and fuelling) that would get me (even if as erractically) in and out of Canary Wharf (from deepest darkest Surrey) for two grand a year...just to put you in the picture - simply to park around here (not even in the Wharf, but a short hop away) costs between £1300-1900 a year (and may involve paying for the DLR on top)...so I understand the price I pay for my travel is (grrr through gritted teeth) "reasonable" in comparison to the alternatives...

However, what I do find deeply insulting, is the way network rail (year after year) churn out their figures stating the number of trains that have run on time and it bears *absolutely* no relation to any of my commuter experiences. This years proudly announced figure for December trains was that (on average) 81% ran on time (a number that made me laugh out loud, spitting tea all over my keyboard when I read it - considering the number of days that both Earlswood and Oxted stations were completely *closed*), but if we start to burrow down, it's actually very easy to see how they have reached this conclusion - "on time" is defined as "anything under five minutes late" (which, apart from -one day- in the last two months is *every train I take* - that would make their "on time" total for me to less than 0.01% if it were actually accurate - actually catching my connecting services *relies* upon them being delayed too - day after day, night after night), it also, and most insultingly (considering no-one could care any less about them)
takes into account *every single train*, yep, all those trundling stopping services that pootle along early in the morning, all day long and late into the evening - *completely empty*...well, I say completely empty - the laughing college kids on their way home after morning lectures, the old dears on their way for a bit of shopping in Sutton, the chattering tourists - not a great deal of these people are going to care (hugely) if their train is even ten minutes late to their destination (assuming they notice in the first place), but obviously these trains rarely are late, as not many people have to pack onto them nor struggle to get off them again...

The figure which should be reported is the only one anyone actually cares about - What percentage of peak time commuter services arrived on time? We don't want the "there, there - patted on the head" number that's been gently massaged into feeling better about itself - "oh, don't worry too much about the important trains (which are always delayed) that everyone relies upon, let's just make it "all better now" by adding in all the empty ones, there look - that's much better"...!

It's a great example of "Lies, damned lies and statistics"... ಠ_ಠ

Not bad...

...only 8 minutes late in the end...Flyingpops came to pick me up and drive me to Redhill (thank you sweetheart!) but by the time she had loaded the boys and all their things into the car the engineers had managed to get the broken down train going again! Oh well, at least Thomas got to see a couple of trains go past (to a great deal of pointing and chuffing noises)... ;)

Gatwick Express Train Surfing?

I have just been seriously freaked out, when the Gatwick Express zoomed past Earlswood station about thirty minutes ago I heard someone shouting 'Help! Help! Help!', I looked up and down the train, but as it was traveling so quickly it was impossible to be sure no-one was clinging on for dear life, desperately regretting their decision to copy those train surfing vids on YouTube...next stop the Station Mistress, who also had heard something very odd (and getting clarification she wasn't hearing things trotted off to ring it in)...

I just hope it was either a collective hallucination or some bedraggled wreck falls, largely unhurt, off the back of the train when it pulls in at East Croydon or London Victoria (and isn't now laying broken in a ditch only to be reported missing by worried family later on today)...what a scary start to the day though... <:0

New Timetable - New Earlswood woes

So yesterday the new Winter timetable came into force, Flyingpops was over the moon as our normal train has now turned into a "fast" train (i.e. it doesn't bother stopping at Merstham/Purley/Coulsdon) getting in 10 minutes earlier, however, I am a bit miffed...first off it's now only 4 coaches (which isn't nearly enough, it came in to Earlswood today "full and standing" and 99% of the time we used to get not only a seat, but also seats together, from the looks of things this is now going to be rather unlikely moving forward), secondly it then wastes much of the advantage of not being a stopping service by adding in a coupling up maneuver at Redhill which also doubles the potential for delays (if one or other bit of the train is running late)...thirdly, and this isn't really a big deal, but I have a slightly more "schmoke and a pancake?" attitude to the commute than Flyingpops, preferring to relax and watch movies/TV or play games, using it as quality recreation time (rather than plugging away on a Blackberry)...now it's about 10 minutes shorter (although don't get me wrong, I like getting into town earlier as the tube is less likely to have got itself into a pickle)...it's just that a whole TV episode used to fit into the commute, and now it doesn't...

Humph...

Naughty Fink

Naughty Fink
Originally uploaded by kipperfrog.

Honestly, that wasn't me (spotted on Kipperfrog's photostream)..!

Overheard at East Croydon station

Two young kids - kid one is Asian (and is on the train), kid two is of Afro-Carribean descent and is standing half in the train and half out...
Kid one - "Go'on, get on da train!"
Kid two - "Nah"
Kid one - "Com'on man, it'll be buff"
Kid two (stepping off the train) - "Nah man, dis train is WELL LOG, innit"
(Kid two now mimes himself straining on the toilet (even squatting down to complete the graphic illustration), flicks Kid one the bird and runs off up the platform laughing while Kid one pulls ugly faces against the closing doors)...

No more than four minutes later, an old dear wanders past where I am sitting, struggling to answer her mobile phone -
"Hello, are you there?" (mumbles, I assume in the affirmative)
"Urm, I'm not sure, where are you?" (brief pause)
"Let me look" (she peers up towards the ramps to the ticket office)
"Yes, I'm on platform...urm...1256" (audible exclaimation of disbelief from the handset)
"No, that's what it says!"
(I reach up, pointing to the "Platform 3" indicator about 3 yards from her current position, trying to distract her attention from the sign she is locked in on which clearly reads "To platforms 1 2 5 6", but as I do she bussles away waving to a distant figure)...

Snow in Surrey!

Seriously cold this morning! Decided to wear my jumper instead of a shirt (kind of regretting it now as the heating in the office is, well, on the warm side, shall we say?)...

The snow went on for about half an hour I suppose, didn't settle but it did drive all the usually brave commuters to huddle together for warmth in the shelter between platform one and two (me included)...

Oh, and it's funny, but after mentioning the train yesterday, just after I got on board there was a very polite announcement explaining that the reason the train has started coming to a halt further down the platform is because "they" (not sure who "they" are, but anyway...) have moved the 8 car stop sign "for some reason"...so we do at least know it's not a crazy policy change by First Capital Connect (just to annoy the already frazzled commuters), it's someone at Redhill station mucking us about...just thought I would clear that up for you...

If I was feeling delusional I might almost start to think that someone at First Capital connect had read what I had written... ;)

Left Luggage at Kings Cross Thameslink

Funny, just as the trial starts in the case of the crown vs the 21/7 terror "suspects", so I get to Kings Cross Thameslink and see a rucksack, all on it's lonesome, left on one of the seats (situated between three men, but not really near enough to definitely belong to any of them)...I only waited a heartbeat after passing it to turn around and say "Do any of you know whose rucksack that is?", one of them visibly woke up when I addressed them (obviously having a day dream) but all three shook heads or said "Nope"...(I probably raised my eyebrows and tutted at this point) then walked all the way back down the platform again to where I knew the Customer assist window was, knocked on it, and a second or two later the door next to it opened and a head poked out. I told the guy about the left luggage and walked all the way back up the platform again, duty done, probably it was just someone being dozy, but then the prickles of doubt began to get me, a certain other incident with "left luggage" came to mind, and of course with the news of the trial being so fresh, I must admit, when I got past the rucksack, I put myself into a position whereby the force of any blast (and flying debris) on my body would be minimised. One of the guys, apparently quite unconcerned about any possible terror implications cheerily said "They'll be kicking themselves, won't they?" with a smile, and I smiled and nodded, thinking to myself, you'd be kicking yourself too if that was a bomb and it had blown your legs off while you just stood there ignoring it…has it really been that long that most people have forgotten what happened? Forgotten to be vigilant?

Anyway, a member of station staff turned up, gingerly inspected the rucksack, turned to me and said "Cheers" and then picked it up and walked off...But there *are* still idiots out there, the terror threat level is still set at a rather serious sounding "SEVERE"…so let's watch each others backs eh?

Full and Standing

Cold, windy and rainy today, as a result of one or more of these things a tree at Coulsdon South decided to fall over and block the line, I opted to stay on the London Bridge train rather than risk the Thameslink when it got to Redhill (where it sat for ages)...The slightly earlier London Bridge train was opposite (on platform one), also waiting (completely full as usual), until everyone suddenly got off it, rushed across (through the rain) and came and all tried to get on to our train (which was already more than full)...we got an announcement, after a ticket check (the cheek!) that men with chainsaws were now working on the problem and shortly thereafter made a start on the crawl into town. By the time we were at East Croydon I had two people almost sitting in my lap, and other commuters were straddling the doors between the carriages...when I did get to London Bridge I just missed the bus (*again*!), and when the next one finally turned up, I had (what I thought was) the right money waiting in my pocket, but the bus driver informed me rather bluntly (doing a perfect Mr Eko impression) that the fare was now "Two Quid", forcing me to hold up the queue (all standing in the rain) while I fumbled in my bag for the extra 50p...that's one hell of a price increase...Got to try and remember to put some cash on my Oyster card, it's double the price now if you forget!! :(

East Croydon Station - Photography forbidden

I was on East Croydon station platform on Friday night, awaiting my connection and thought I would take a few pictures of the trains, not really been there at night with the good camera, walked right up to the end of the platform and took these from a prone position with the camera sat on the floor in front of me...

Twice I was approached, both times by people in HVJ's, the first one, a kindly gentleman, approached from behind asking if I was "alright mate?" because he thought I had keeled over, the second, and you can see her in the photo above came and sternly scolded me because "it ain't allowed after the terror bombings"...she didn't ask me to delete the pictures though, just stop taking them. She explained that "even them train spotters 'ave to ask in writing to the station manager" (before they are allowed to huddle in their anoraks with their weak lemon squash at the end of the platforms) as if for some reason they had more right than me to behave oddly at East Croydon station...hmph... >;(

Earlswood Commute - Serious delays - 5th of July

Super muggy today, I can best describe it as like being in the wet half of the Eden Project...sticky, hot, close...sweat your constant companion...so as you can imagine I was thrilled to discover that a lightning strike on a signal box down near Brighton had caused serious disruption of all First Capital and Southern trains...

They couldn't even get the signs right...we sat at Earlswood for about 40 minutes watching the expected time of arrival change in increments of 2 minutes (after the actual time had passed) until at 0822 it finally jumped back to being expected at 0804 again...brilliant...I even had the pleasure of watching the train I was planning on catching (at Redhill) zoom past (full and standing)...

When a train did finally arrive (a Victoria one) I decided just to stay on it (it crawled, and the aircon wasn't working), waved my (probably) invalid ticket at the guard at the barrier once there and he waved me through, hopped on a number 73 mobile sauna, which promptly broke down leaving me standing in a tropical storm near Tottenham Court Road waiting for another one to come along (about ten minutes)...then had to walk (again in the luke-warm rain) up to the office...finally sat down at my desk about an hour and a quarter later than usual...

Nice... >:(

First Capital Connect

Well, thats nice, Thameslink have merged with Greater Northern trains and they have changed their name to "First Capital Connect", which I suppose means that they will now waste loads of cash on changing the livery on all the rolling stock and stations...anyway, to celebrate they were giving away "goodie bags" to all the commuters, which consisted of a new season ticket holder, 2 leaflets (which talk a lot about "Deep cleaning"), a fold-out business card sized rail map, a KitKat and a Kellogs Nutri-Grain bar (Strawberry)...how thoughtful...

The Bluebell Railway...

...was the subject of attention for today, and actually, I think the pictures pretty much speak for themselves..this one here though was rather amusing (seemingly showing a huge plume of smoke curling away from the fire brigade's enclave (it wasn't really on fire, on the far side the bank slopes down quickly towards the tracks...of course! ;)) -

- The day began at Horsted Keynes station -

- we arrived rather early, so our train was already sat at the platform getting up steam while we had a little look around...which doesn't happen terribly often in this day and age! ;) -

- They have made a *real* effort to make everything look totally authentic, and it *really* works -


- The time came to board the train, with 3rd class tickets, but that wasn't too much of a problem! ;) -

- En route (blatantly ignoring the "Do NOT stick your head out of the window" signs ;) and in a completely strangerless carriage -

- we arrived in Sheffield Park for a really great time looking round and a really rather dreadful lunch (sorry everyone!) -

(I'm sure the guy on the train was posing for me)


- there is nothing quite like the smell of a steam engine in action, but this place just does so much more to take you back, you really start to feel (and funnily enough, it's actually more acute as it gets busier) that you can appreciate exactly what it was like to really travel by steam, which is really very cool...thank goodness for these enthusiasts!! :) Not sure I will be applauding the ones that are faithfully recreating the Thameslink in a few years time though... ;)