Autism Diagnosis - Masking for 53 years

 So here are a couple of difficult to deal with (and mask over worthy) little attempts - during this life thus far - 

• Highly limited connection with any humans other than a very small handful of people who exhibited no signs of judgement (and low risk of violent, thoughtless, noisy outbursts) - goths, punks, NMA brotherhood, the odd person from Plymouth.
• Filtering out deliberately stupid people - Oh I don't need to know about that...I feel like, I feel like a vast potential and willingness for understanding and enlightenment has just been glibly tossed in a ditch along with the contents of a nappy bag belonging to the rear end of your dangerous dog.  People who have no interest in learning are totally beyond all understanding. 
• Bullying - all the way through - I'm a big guy so people don't expect this - but it's a combination of innocent trust and meeting people who don't even have anything tangible to gain - but just feel a whole lot better when they are making somebody else's life into a tale of misery - there are many of these people.
• Trying to juggle forced social situations - boardroom presentations to 50-150 people - huge responsibility -  seeing others when already out of gas to deal with people.
• Not having enough money - having my bus pass, train ticket, bank card confiscated by "family" repeatedly - not for any logical reason - just to make my life more difficult  - this is the first time I have had any control over any of my money for almost twenty years - it's a difficult thing not scraping around the floor for pennies every day just to find my train fare to the office - I still expect to find my belongings scattered and lost when I go to go out and about...I had to work so hard to fit in, that was made impossible
• Asking for time off to attend a scan when Thomas was on the way.  I'll never forget this - first son - "I'm just asking - but what's the point in going to the scan?  It's early days, the baby will probably die before you get there - what's the point in putting it in our calendar?" - what is the point in even telling you?  Under what circumstances would I like to hear my children are going to die?